Going to Texas

It's official. We are taking another trip to Texas to visit my grandparents. My step-grandmother is very sick and I'm afraid that she won't be around very much longer. She has Emphysema (I'm sure it's spelled some other way) and my grandfather has colon cancer. He decided to stop getting treatment and to let it take its course. It's all so very sad. We take our family for granted...it's hard to imagine life without the people who passed their genes to you. I was thinking that I want to order a couple of those DNA kits and swab my grandma and grandpa while they are still breathing. I want to capture what I can to discover where we came from. When I dated my two Arabic boyfriends, I was so impressed with how well their families were documented. They had so much pride in knowing where they came from. I was a "bastard" child. I never met my father and my mom was mostly absent, if not physically then emotionally and mentally. She's trapped inside her own head therefore cutting her children off from the family they could have known. I have cousins, aunts, uncles on my mother's side that I don't know. It's a crying shame. I want my children to know their family. It's hard if I don't know them first! Everyone is so distant. We don't have family reunions. If we did, I have never heard of them. I hear years later that so and so got married...never got an invitation. I hate it. It's like being an orphan really. I wish I could meet my dad's side to see if they are different...but they never wanted me in the first place. According to my mom, his parents picked up and moved away to protect him...from what? From his responsibilities from fathering a child. I think that he was convinced I wasn't his. He's probably living his life guilt-free. I really want him to know me...all that I've suffered through without a proper father. If I don't find him in this life, I'll just have to haunt him (hehehe).

Anyway...yup, going to Texas this weekend with my sweetheart, my sis and her sweetie and her two devil children, my brother, maybe my mom and "stepdad". What fun it will be. We will be camping by the lake...ok, the ones of us who aren't pansies, the others will be staying with my grandparents. I'm going to investigate this woodpecker...could it be an Ivory Bill...we shall see, I'll have my cameras aimed and ready to document!!!