Thursday, March 22, 2007

dreamland again

I dreamt of my teeth falling out again. I haven't dreamed this dream in a couple of years. I kept pulling my teeth out...that's the way it always happens...all of the teeth are loosening while I talk & I reach in & they fall into my hands. This time was different, though. This time my gums came out too. I was in Ohio again. For some reason me & my whole family had moved there. I was trying to find a dentist. I was holding the gums & teeth in my hands trying to keep the pieces whole, but the journey caused them to decay & fall apart. I was just trying to not lose all of the pieces so that maybe the dentist could put everything back the way it was....They say teeth falling out can symbolize a transition, a loss of control, anxiety over appearance. I think that's all so right now. I really just don't want to be an adult. I wish I could go back to being wild & carefree. Will that every go away?

For some reason I can remember everysingledream from last night. I dreamt of a small town where I used to go to school, population >50. There was some girl I had never met. Her name was Anelisa something something something exotic, but Anita for short. She was dirty blonde with freckles & very very very extremely shy. She spoke so quietly that you couldn't understand much of anything that she said. Her dad had been in the military. She was born in Peru or some place like that, but her "country" was really a mountain-top slowly sinking into the ocean. All of the inhabitants had abandoned it long ago, before the last dry land was swallowed by the sea. Her mother died a long time ago & her father had recently passed away. She was a lonely orphan with one friend. She lived next door in a shack, a filthy shack. She wanted to be a film-maker. She was going to be the star of her first film. The subject? Hula-hooping. I found some documents in her house that she couldn't read & tried to show her that she had benefits left to her. She didn't care. She just wanted to make her films....Maybe she is me in a sense. I'm really not sure what hula-hooping has to do with anything. I think I'm gonna go buy one, though. Oh & a trampoline & jumprope too! Just for the hell of it.

Monday, March 12, 2007

First Doctor Visit

I went to the doctor today. I'm 7 weeks & 1 day pregnant. So I have lots of morning sickness left to go...it sucks! At least I know it's REAL now!

Friday, March 09, 2007

Recurring dream...wild cats

I was climbing a tree with limbs that kept breaking
I climbed so high I was afraid to fall
Panthers & Leopards roared & leaped up at me
I kept climbing, realizing how awkward my fumbling human body was
The cats, the beautiful beasts, bent & slumbered easily
I feared them, but stayed because I knew them
I knew how to handle them.
They purred & wrestled with me
while I clung to the limbs that kept breaking.
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