Brain Mystery

I dreamed last night that I went to the place where Dan was killed, except it was a gas station in the dream, not the bar. I realized that there was a camera that could have captured the whole thing so that we could know once and for all what really happened. I went & asked the employee if they still had their tapes dating back to March 9, 2002 (I asked for the exact date of his death in my dream) & they went into this room with rows & rows of shelves & neatly arranged & ordered video tapes and handed me the tape. Of course I couldn't get the answers from the tape, because there's probably no such thing in existence, but it's interesting that my brain is still trying to understand/comprehend what really happened while I'm asleep. It's still an unsolved mystery & my brain just can't cope with that still I guess. Of course I've heard the versions of what happened, but nothing short of being there or seeing it on video will ever truly satisfy me.

Hurricanes & Honeymoons don’t mix

I'm super nervous right now because we are flying into the Carribean Saturday & that bastard Tropical Storm Dean is expected to hit there by Monday. I'm really not sure what to do...any suggestions?

Nightmares

Well, I'm finally a NEWLYWED!!! I am glad the wedding nightmares can finally come to a halt. I'm still having CRAZY dreams though. Last night I had one dream which was very similar to one I had when I first found out I was pregnant. I dreamed that I had never gone into labor or anything & suddenly, there was the baby. This time he was born the day after my wedding. I was just laying in bed at home. He was still attached to me with the umbilical cord. For some reason I was working at some restaurant & was worried about missing my shift...the next day I realized I had never called to let them know I couldn't make it because I had given birth (I'm unemployed in real life). People kept coming by to see the baby & I kept looking for it because I couldn't remember where he was (almost like an object that I had lost). I ALSO dreamed last night that Mike & I were traveling down the coast (Pacific) & were trying to find a place to sleep, but all of the places were more like hostels than hotels & the guests were all there for some weird water sport that I don't think exists in real life. It was really late & we could only stay if we had the proper equipment for the water sport. We were going there specifically for snorkeling, but had left our gear at home (perhaps this is an anxiety dream for our honeymoon this coming week to the Carribean in Mexico?). At one of the places the person running the place was very annoyed with us for arriving so late & said we would wake everyone, so we left. At the next place we were standing just inside the building talking to a woman running the place & the ocean was just hitting outside her door. I remember being so scared because I thought it might wash us away. It turned pretty much into a nightmare from here. It was when I saw the water lapping at the door that I realized how muddy & turbulent the Pacific was & wanted to leave & go back home right then. As we were trying to leave, there was a huge storm & huge waves splashing everywhere, trying to carry us back with them to disappear forever. Then a killer whale kept washing up in front of us & kept trying to get Mike. I kept trying to save him, but then it tried to get me too. Then I realized our cat, India was there & the whale was trying to get her too. After I had successfully got her out of the way, I realized another cat was with us (a ferral that we have been feeding the past two years that we've named Smokey) & the whale was trying to get him too~! What a nightmare. Just before I woke up I was having another dream about two women who were lesbians who had just had a child. They were doing some type of documentary about them being just as good of parents as anyone else, but as they were talking they were walking in a river. One was stroking a crocodile talking about knowing what to do to handle it. Suddenly, I became the woman & the crocodile kept trying to bite me. I was in the water & couldn't get footing, so I kept trying to hold its mouth closed, but it kept trying to turn and turn in the water to drown me. Somehow I made it out of the water, but the crocodile was chasing me...it could run just as fast as I could & the phone rang...suddenly I was awake...THANK GOD! I have nightmares like these ALL OF THE TIME!

We got hitched!!!

Well, I'm finally a NEWLYWED!!! I am glad the wedding nightmares can finally come to a halt. I'm still having CRAZY dreams though. Last night I had one dream which was very similar to one I had when I first found out I was pregnant. I dreamed that I had never gone into labor or anything & suddenly, there was the baby. This time he was born the day after my wedding. I was just laying in bed at home. He was still attached to me with the umbilical cord. For some reason I was working at some restaurant & was worried about missing my shift...the next day I realized I had never called to let them know I couldn't make it because I had given birth (I'm unemployed in real life). People kept coming by to see the baby & I kept looking for it because I couldn't remember where he was (almost like an object that I had lost). I ALSO dreamed last night that Mike & I were traveling down the coast (Pacific) & were trying to find a place to sleep, but all of the places were more like hostels than hotels & the guests were all there for some weird water sport that I don't think exists in real life. It was really late & we could only stay if we had the proper equipment for the water sport. We were going there specifically for snorkeling, but had left our gear at home (perhaps this is an anxiety dream for our honeymoon this coming week to the Carribean in Mexico?). At one of the places the person running the place was very annoyed with us for arriving so late & said we would wake everyone, so we left. At the next place we were standing just inside the building talking to a woman running the place & the ocean was just hitting outside her door. I remember being so scared because I thought it might wash us away. It turned pretty much into a nightmare from here. It was when I saw the water lapping at the door that I realized how muddy & turbulent the Pacific was & wanted to leave & go back home right then. As we were trying to leave, there was a huge storm & huge waves splashing everywhere, trying to carry us back with them to disappear forever. Then a killer whale kept washing up in front of us & kept trying to get Mike. I kept trying to save him, but then it tried to get me too. Then I realized our cat, India was there & the whale was trying to get her too. After I had successfully got her out of the way, I realized another cat was with us (a ferral that we have been feeding the past two years that we've named Smokey) & the whale was trying to get him too~! What a nightmare. Just before I woke up I was having another dream about two women who were lesbians who had just had a child. They were doing some type of documentary about them being just as good of parents as anyone else, but as they were talking they were walking in a river. One was stroking a crocodile talking about knowing what to do to handle it. Suddenly, I became the woman & the crocodile kept trying to bite me. I was in the water & couldn't get footing, so I kept trying to hold its mouth closed, but it kept trying to turn and turn in the water to drown me. Somehow I made it out of the water, but the crocodile was chasing me...it could run just as fast as I could & the phone rang...suddenly I was awake...THANK GOD! I have nightmares like these ALL OF THE TIME!

Wedding Day

We had to be in Mississippi by 11 a.m. to do our rehearsal. A few of us met in Denham Springs so they could follow us there without getting lost. Mike & I fought the entire way there. It didn't seem like a good start to the day. Once we got there, we did the rehearsal...I was so stressed out with trying to coordinate what to do with our entire entourage for the day. I'd have to say the stress peaked there & never rose again.

My sister, niece & I went to the salon to get our hair & my make-up done. We were there pretty much the whole rest of the day. We made it to the lodge in just enough time for her to get her make-up on, me to see the beautiful job the florist did & to say hello to the crowd that was there already & then to get dressed. I didn't even have time to be nervous. My stylist said I was the calmest bride she's ever seen. It wasn't until I saw that we only had 15 minutes until time to walk down the aisle that I started having a hard time catching my breath. As soon as I walked through the door my eyes welled up with tears. The ceremony was beautiful. I was a little worried about the vows the Judge used because I had never got to see them in advance. She seemed to be wanting to keep them a secret. I had actually asked to see them, but she never let me. I should really learn to trust professionals, though. They were exactly what I didn't know I wanted to say. She talked about the importance of marriage in society. I couldn't agree more. I hope I can get a copy. I've never seen Mike look more adorable. The reception went perfectly. We had way more people than we had imagined would come. We really only planned on 40, but it was closer to 60 that showed up. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. There were little sparkly hearts all over the tables as part of the decor & by the end of the night they were stuck all over everyone's faces...even the elderly women. It was too funny. The other funny thing was the bouquet/garter toss. The women lined up to catch that bouquet. My aunt caught it & you could almost feel the veil of disappointment sweep over the other single ladies who missed it. For the garter toss, there was only a handful of guys. When Mike shot it back to them, you could see them half-way attempt to grab it, feign disappointment & let it hit the floor. My four-year-old nephew happily grabbed it up. Silly boys.

I think my favorite part of the entire day was the Bed & Breakfast we stayed at afterwards. It was the most beautiful place I've ever stayed. They had chocolate-covered strawberries & non-alcoholic pear champagne waiting. Our host also brought us hot tea & small cinnamon muffins to snack on. We had a hot tub if we wanted to use it (I didn't ...being pregnant...it's a no-no), but we did get to enjoy their beautiful claw-footed tub draped with lace curtains. They had ever amenity you could imagine...I'm not sure any hotel could compare. When we woke up he had breakfast (DELICIOUS), juice & coffee ready for us.

I had been dreaming & imagining of every possible scenario that could go wrong. I've read that something ALWAYS goes wrong & you just have to roll with it, but NOT A SINGLE THING went wrong. It couldn't have gone more perfectly. I am hoping the honeymoon to Mexico next week goes just as smoothly.

Getting ready

I was at the salon yesterday from 10:30 until 2 p.m.!!! It's amazing what great color can do for a person...I look totally different right now. I'll put pictures up some time. I just don't know how some women can go to the salon on a regular basis...I guess it's all about the money. Sometimes it makes all the difference when you FEEL like you look beautiful though...so I guess it's worth the splurge every once in a while...especially for my WEDDING DAY. I also did the mystic tan at Planet Beach...I have to say that was absolutely frightening! I thought I was going to die of Claustrophobia! My sister, niece & I are getting our nails done on Friday. She talked me into doing acrylic, although I swore I'd never get them done again. I hate the havoc they wreak on your real nails...but it's for a very important day. I'm also getting my first pedicure ever. I've just always been kind of weird about people touching my feet...or touching me period really. Yesterday the shampoo boy started giving me a massage while I was waiting on my stylist & I felt myself complete tense up! I just have to learn how to relax...I'm not really used to being pampered. Oh & I got my dress yesterday! I've decided to create wedding programs (as if there wasn't enough to do already) so I'll be busying myself with that these next couple of days. My house is a PIGSTY right now & I don't even care. I get so one-track minded...I used to think I was a good multi-tasker, but I'm really not. I HATE housework. I hope that someday I'm rich so that I can hire someone to do it for me...it's just so...so MUNDANE.

Anyway, this is me right now.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I am happy. I'm getting married in SIX days to the person who told me a few years ago that he just didn't feel "that way" about me. I heard all of the advice about "he's just not that into you" and still went with my instincts. I just KNEW that we belonged together. I just KNEW that HE was THE ONE. I pursued & wooed him. I did whatever it took to show him my greatness. I forgot about my pride. I still dated other people & made sure to tell him all about it so he could be sure that SOMEONE would swoop me up if he didn't. I needed him to know that I was not usually the pursuer, but the pursued. I wasn't desperate to have just anyone, just desperate to have HIM. He doesn't like to be reminded of the way he used to be...I like to do it every once in a while to show him how far we've come. We are so much in love now. The effort I put in was worth it to spend the rest of my life with Mike. I've never felt so loved in my life & I love him so much. We are starting a family. I am happy. I couldn't have created a more perfect person for me. He's going to be such a great dad & husband!

emotions and money

Wow, I'm 27 weeks & 5 days today! Isaac is moving soooooo much that he makes me think he's twins! When he starts moving it's like he doesn't wanna stop. I actually felt a little body part yesterday! It was so cool! If I try to push on my belly, though, to find him it hurts. My belly & especially my belly button is SO SORE! The weirdest thing is how stretched out my belly button is & how squishy the skin in it feels. I still have an inny thank GOD! Also, no stretch marks yet. I'm still not out of the water yet...someone said they can appear around 8 months or even AFTER giving birth! We'll see. I weighed in at 172 lbs on this weeks doctor's appointment. I wanted to cry. I now weigh more than Mike! We moved the birds out of the baby's room so that we can start prepping it for paint. We are doing a pretty pale yellow. The theme is Classic Winnie the Pooh, but people keep buying the Disney stuff, so it looks like it'll be a mix of the two. I like Classic better, but I'm sure little Isaac won't care. I've been watching all of the baby shows on tv & I cry with the new moms. I get so EMOTIONAL! I love listening to Isaac's little kicks on the baby monitor that we got. I haven't been able to find the heartbeat lately (he's being stubborn), but I did get to hear it beating swiftly at the doctor's office so that's reassuring. I want to do the 3D/4D ultrasound so bad. Money is TIGHT right now. Our wedding is next week & honeymoon the week after. I'm ready for them to get here already so I can put all of my focus (and money) into preparing for little Isaac's arrival.