Death

Just heard the news that Daniel, my former co-worker, was killed last night. I haven't seen him in a long time. I've heard through myspace that he's engaged to another one of my former co-workers. Both great people. There were a lot of great people there. I really miss everyone. Lots of potential life-long friends. Now one of them has passed on. It's an in-your-face reminder that life is impermanent. We should all remember that all we take for granted will no doubt be gone one day, at any moment. Also, everyone in our lives will be gone sooner or later. This strengthens my belief in Buddhist principles. Non-attachment. We are not supposed to get ATTACHED to anything or anyone, but that doesn't mean we can't still be loving and put our loved ones before ourselves. When someone's life is extinguished it's like a limb being ripped off of those who were a part of his life's fabric. We don't know how to cope with these things. When Dan died, I was delusional. I have seen this over and over again with other people who lose those closest to them. You don't want to go to sleep because you know that when you wake up, you are waking up to a world without that person in it. You must face each day without that person. It's similar to breaking up, but much much worse because you know that person won't wake up or sleep again. This forces our eyes to look beyond this life and to try to fathom the soul's journey. Where IS he? Where did he GO? There is no more helpless feeling in the entire world. We can't bring them back. All we can do is cope. We have to reach out to all of the other people in our lives. When we lose someone, we no longer care about our basic needs. How can we possibly eat, or sleep, or go on with day-to-day activities when he's DEAD! The people around us who weren't as close to our lost loved one try with the best of intentions to make us feel better. "He's in a better place now" "He can't hurt" "He'll watch over you" BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! This does nothing to console us! I started researching everything I could get my hands on to find out about what happens to someone when they die. Christian explanations did NOTHING! These things I was taught my entire life did not provide a logical explanation that satisfied me. I wanted to know step by step what he was experiencing and when. I saw him everywhere in my waking life. He was a ghost, but just like a real solid person standing there in front of me. He always had a death expression on his face. He came to all of us in a final dream, though, to say goodbye. All of his friends and family that I spoke to had a similar dream. I asked "Will I ever see you again" and he said "Maybe, we'll see" Even that, though, didn't satisfy me. I begged God "God, if you really exist then why the hell would you try to make me believe in bullshit and fantasies. I need somehting REAL, somehting TANGIBLE. I need PROOF that his soul is still out there, that it still EXISTS and didn't simply vanish for all of eternity. Just then, A star streaked the sky in front of me. I was baffled. I had never actually seen a falling star. Two days before he died, Dan had tried to show me a falling star, but I always was just a second too late. I told him I had NEVER seen one, he couldn't believe it because he saw them all the time. I felt like this was my proof. There is a God and Dan was existing SOMEWHERE. That was all they could give me, and I had to deal with it. I have slowly recovered. If you know someone who has lost someone dear to them, know that, honestly, they will be grieving for years. It takes that long for them to pick up and accept that the person will not be coming back. Life does go on for the living and we have no choice but to make the best of it.