Ouch and YES!

Aye...the pain. Where the hell did I get this excruciating earache from? The entire right side of my head, my ear...my cheek and scalp are so sore. I wish I could just go see a doctor. It always takes sooooo long waiting and waiting and for what? Just for them to give you some stupid medicine. I'd rather suffer and let the thing run its course than sit and wait.

I had an interview at an awesome place. I'll say where once I know for sure the outcome. I have a second interview next week. The Executive Director was the first person I saw when I walked in and started interviewing me in the lobby before I even met the actual interviewer. It was the most fun I've ever had at an interview. I just loved their questions.

AND if THAT doesn't work out it's okay because I have the exact business that I want to start...it's right in front of my face now. I saw this woman on TV, featured on the morning news, looked up her number and called her and asked her what I needed to do to get her job. She was so happy to talk to me and tell me what I needed to do. It's just expensive for me to do right this minute. I was in the best mood for the rest of the day after talking to her. I'M SO EXCITED! It felt like I actually had something to look forward to career-wise!

I'm ready for change. I'm ready to do what I've always wanted to do with my life. I'm ready to step outside of the box...

Real Love

My grandpa came in for Thanksgiving. It's almost a five-hour drive from Texas. He and my grandmother have been divorced most of my mother's 46-year-old life. He said they were married when she was 17 and he was 19. He saw her for the first time since her illness. She was lying in bed staring blankly at him, no recognition in her eyes. He won't have much longer to live...the cancer has reached his bones. He couldn't even stay for Thanksgiving dinner...the pain was too unbearable and he left in tears. Before he left my grandmother's side, he said these words, "Dotty, I love you. I've always loved you. I'll see you soon on the other side." I barely know either of them. I lived most of my life without them being a part of it, but I am alive because they exist. I love them both and it will be so strange when they are gone. My grandpa said it is so much sooner than any of us think.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When You Are Old
When you are old and gray and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true;
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.
And bending down beside the glowing bars
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)

Rant

I feel like an orphan without a family. I think I will move to Colorado. I'm sick of this place and these people. I hate being lied to. I hate how someone says one thing and then does something different. I'm sick of being unappreciated and disrespected. All in all people can only help themselves. Life is what you make it. I can't be the anchor for this broken-down family. I can't do everything. Once again...I have to say my prayer:

The Serenity Prayer
by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)Complete, Unabridged, Original Version.
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

This is me right now...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you are fearful, everything turns into something to
fear. When you are hopeful, everything becomes a reason to
hope.

When you are angry, anything that comes along can feed that
anger. When you are peaceful, the world around you begins to
mirror your peace.

What comes from the depths of your being, grows more intense
and more concrete as it works its way outward. What you hold
in your heart, you will see in your world.

Though you may try to hide things inside, they surely come
out in ways you cannot even imagine. If you wish to change
what you appear to be, then change what you truly are.

Hold in your heart a pure and authentic vision of all that
you value most dearly. Choose carefully what has priority in
your innermost being, for that is what shapes the world you
experience.

Build a solid, positive and fulfilling life within. And all
that you know, will faithfully resonate with the person you
choose to be.


~ Ralph Marston