Who needs television with dreams like these?!

Looking back through my journal, I came across the following dream and I'm amazed at how many things jump out at me, screaming with meaning, all these years later.

Saturday, September 15, 2001

Well, it's been 4 days since the 4 planes crashed into the world trade center towers, one in the Pentagon and one in a remote part of Pennsylvania. Every night since that has happened, I've had nothing but nightmares. The one I had last nigh is still so clear in my head:
I went to this old house that used to belong to me. Where dirt used to be there was now a parking lot. In the dream I remembered how I had always been meaning to put one in, but never did. There were people in the house. This girl, Alicia, I had met in Junior High School, Randy, one of Shaun's friends, and my sister's best friend, Tasha. They were cooking pizza on the stove in a frying pan. There were kids running around outside so I went out and sat on the porch. There were about five of them all sitting beside me, one on my lap and they were all asking me questions. There was then a clear river that ran in front of the house. Across the river was a thick jungle. People were now coming to the river from the other side getting ready for the marathon. I remember explaining to the kids that the marathon would last days, weeks, even months and that whoever was in first place today wouldn't necessarily be in first place tomorrow and the person who was in last place today could be the one who won the whole marathon. But just before everyone was about to take off swimming in the river, I saw a black and white cow lying at the bottom dead. Then, I looked further down, and saw another, smaller black and white cow, also dead. I was afraid that the water could be deadly and I didn't know what to do to get everyone our! I asked someone next to me if the dead cows were tainting the water and if it would harm anyone and they just shrugged their shoulders. Then, in the dream, I remembered swimming in the water with the kids and had swallowed mouthfuls of the water. Then I was afraid it would do something to me. Then I remembered crossing the water and seeing Scott with 3 girls. They were on a hiking trip. He acted like he didn't' want me to come with them, but I followed anyway. I remember crawling under this large branch of a tree behind them, but it was crawling with white things. It took me a while to figure out that they were maggots and flies were all around. Then the dream flashed to me being in the city, like New York or somewhere. And all of these little boys had stacks of clothes lined up in neat rows down the streets, like they were preparing to go to war. Then, there were clothes everywhere all over the place and me and other people were putting them in trash bags.

Random

I love how the sulphur burns my nose when I light a match.



Everywhere I go, I'm locked in a cell, body is nothing more than a shell, making life a living hell...motorized functions, like a well-oiled machine...just a machine, a thinking machine. Crying without feeling, conquering, but not healing...I hate myself in other people...