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Saturday, January 28, 2006

Keep Me Sedated, Please

Without momentum an object falls. I'm like a plane about to crash. All the wandering, recklessness... has kept me going. Without it, I'm stopped in my tracks. Always wanted to be one of THEM. Why? They are so BORING! Empty Zombies Clones of one another. Artificial Intelligence. Without substance. They need their substances. Weak dependents. Mindless Robots. They long for my imbalance. They prefer lies. Appearance is all that matters. They avert their eyes from Turbulance. I miss my beautiful Mania. Wild, Crazy, Happiness. I'll suffer the depths of Depression just to get it back. Isolation is paradise. The grass is never green. Misunderstand me and make me mean. Only a few get me. I only get myself in fragments. I can't love if I have time to analyze. I can't love unless it consumes me. A flame burns hot and quickly dissipates lacking the design for longevity. Displayed in a fishbowl When they want to see. Then, a prize tucked away. Pocketed and forgotten. I'm dreaming alone Thinking alone. Hold on to me letting let me go.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Woohoo Weekend

YES!!! It's FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!! And what am I doing at quitting time you ask? Sitting here at my stupid desk at stupid work typing this stupid blog!!! I could go home, but then I'd have to get up and walk to my car and drive and all that crap and I think I'll just sit here for a while. My boss is gone so it's me, myself, and my heaping work all around me!!! Shall I work more? I think not. I'm just listening to the radio, looking at all of the things that need to be done...BUT I'M NOT DOING THEM...NOPE, NOT ME, I'M OFF THE CLOCK!

Wanna know what I'm gonna do all weekend?! Work. I'm actually gonna come in here FOR FREE to organize my shit. I think I'll go see my grandma too. She is so much better now that she's getting visitors!!! I miss college life (I definately got used to it after almost 8 years!). I used to love going out, hanging out, meeting people, but I don't really do that much anymore. My b/f works 6-7 days a week 12 hrs a day and doesn't really like to go out much which is really limiting in the fun dept. What's a girl to do? Guess I'll be a goody-goody and go to church, clean my house and dedicate my time to my family. Whoopty-Doo.

Fun will be back, though, I know it. This is a temporary lull. We are gonna save up and start taking weekend trips, going camping, visiting friends/family in other states. Mike bought me a tennis racket and IS teaching me how to play tennis...I think I prefer Raquetball, though.

Oh, I'm going to write a book. Wait and you'll see. I'm already working on it, so THERE!

Saturday, January 14, 2006

ah, life.

I will never be content with myself. Once a person becomes content, they stop living. There are areas of contentment. I am content that I found the person I want to spend my life with. I am content with my abilities, with the knowledge that I can always learn new things. I plan to be a lifelong student. Right now I'm learning a few new things: 1) Reading "Bankruptcy Basics" for work. Get to help my job and myself since I am a guilty filer and a Paralegal for a Bankruptcy firm. 2) Get to start going back over my old Jumpstart guide and child psychology books b/c I'm going to be teaching 3 classes at church about gardening...woohoo (why do I have anxiety about leading, teaching, being in front of any type of group, period, no matter what age?) 3) The importance of family. I would not exist if my grandmother didn't exist. Now I'm feeding her like a baby, the same way she once fed me (I asked her if she remembered and she said YES matter-of-factly!) 4) That people are all selfish. I wanted to go to the nursing home to see my grandma, but the traffic was so horrible. I wished she was still at the hospital (near my work) b/c I could see her on my lunch break and after work. Now I would have to sit in traffic for hours and it's not convenient to me...but isn't her happiness...her last days on earth...more important? I want to be there for her, whether she knows I'm there or not (somewhere deep inside she knows who's there for her and who's not). On to other things. We've been feeding a stray cat since we moved to our house in June. We named him Smokey (original, huh, for a gray cat?). He was missing for a couple of days and then I found a cat that looked just like him dead on the side of the road (busy Lee drive, around the corner from where I live). Me and my brother scooped him up and brought him home. Mike buried him. That night, he was at his bowl waiting to be fed. Talk about SPOOKY and pure joy at the same time!!!! Smokey lives. Either he has more lives left or we buried the wrong cat...either way I'm so happy he's alive. Oh and now we have a raccoon that likes to hang out and eat our kitty food too. I love wildlife!
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