“Is My Love Worth the Cost?”

Would you be able to fathom The depth of my anguish? Could I confide in you, Revealing my darkest wish? Would you be able to help me, As I wrestle my inner demon? Could you reason with me When I've lost my reason? Could you bring me back When I've lost my mind... Bring me back to reality Time after time? If I said "I HATE you" Would you still hold me near? Do you realize these words Come from insecurity and fear? Do you know how my blood runs cold Through veins iced and torn apart? Would you offer the warmth I need To soften my solid heart? Could you ever understand My fear of abandonment? How I've been left crying alone So many times with no one to witness it? Could you ever comprehend? How you can never judge me As harshly as I’ve judged myself? I’m my own adversary. Can you sense my revulsion? It’s not for someone else. What I hold inside of me Is hate for myself. Do you know how worthless I’ve thought my life was for? How I just couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t take any more. Could you imagine? How I've been left broken down, Pills in mouth With no one around? Do you know how I've begged God To end my pain time and time again …How I'd lost my will to live? Could you ever empathize? Is that too much to give? Do you know how hard I’ve tried to be EVERYTHING… Everything I thought people Wanted me to be? Do you know I feel My existence is a shame? I don’t even know who I am! I don’t even know who to blame. Do you see how much I’ve been through? All of my efforts seem wasted. My energy’s been spent On all this life I’ve tasted. Do you know how hard I’ve been willing to fight? I fought and fought, then gave up When no end was in sight. Have you ever seen anyone More pathetic than me? Would you still say you loved me When I see life so miserably? If you knew how cold That I could be Would you even waste your time Loving me? Would you act as my guide When I feel like all hope is lost? Will you stand by me No matter your personal cost? Is your skin thick enough To survive the wounds I inflict on you? Would you be able to endure The pain I test you through? Are you strong enough? Show me what you're made of. Am I worth the effort it would take To win my love?

Poem: "Mixed Up"

Unorganized neat freak can't stand the mess but can't keep it clean. Weak me, strong me no in-between? Lazy, but don't want to be. Backstabbing and betrayal or another excuse? They don't care or I don't care, which is worse? How much is too much? What's the cost of happiness? Serious Mysterious Cautious Sensitive Defensive Intense Bad Attitude Rude. Too good or not good enough? Feel weak, but try to act tough. Burn every bridge or hold on too long. Don't wanna be weak, but hard to be strong. Internalize, but can't keep my mouth shut! I talk, but never really open up. I think I'm really mixed up!