depressed

i ended things w/ mike today

writing advice from my Angry Poets group

All piffle & twaddle – influence of Bottom Dog man. For real “decadents” read Huysmans & other French authors. Diarrhea of words – stew of classic allusions. Fuck Artemis et alia! Don’t put intellect in your prick! Write honestly even if poorly. Humor is weak – immature. Try drugs and compare two kinds of writing. Try using only Anglo-Saxon words. Throw your dictionary away! Don’t mix realism with poetics! If you can’t make words fuck, don’t masturbate them! When you speak of Cunt put hair on it! Try to forget everything you learned in college. Try talking like an ignoramus – or an Igaroti. Read, for emetic, “Palm Wind Drinkard.” You will learn to write only when you stop trying to write. A line without effort is worth a chapter of push and pull. First ask yourself if you have anything to say. Don’t draw the pen unless you are ready for the kill! If you don’t get rid of the Classics you’ll die of constipation. Never show any one what you’ve written until a year or two later. Use the axe to your 1st draft and not the fine comb. The latter is for lice!!!

now I understand poor Helena (from a Midsummer Night's Dream)

DEMETRIUS I love thee not, therefore pursue me not. Where is Lysander and fair Hermia? The one I'll slay, the other slayeth me. Thou told'st me they were stolen unto this wood; And here am I, Hence, get thee gone, and follow me no more. HELENA You draw me, you hard hearted adamant! DEMETRIUS Do I entice you? do I speak you fair? Or, rather, do I not in plainest truth Tell you, I do not, nor I cannot love you? HELENA And even for that do I love you the more. I am your dog; spurn me, strike me, Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave, Unworthy as I am, to follow you. DEMETRIUS Tempt not too much the hatred of my spirit; For I am sick when I do look on thee. HELENA And I am sick when I look not on you. DEMETRIUS I'll run from thee and hide me in the brakes, And leave thee to the mercy of wild beasts. HELENA The wildest hath not such a heart as you. DEMETRIUS I will not stay thy questions; let me go: Or, if thou follow me, do not believe But I shall do thee mischief in the wood. HELENA You do me mischief. Fie, Demetrius! We cannot fight for love, as men may do; We should be wooed and were not made to woo. Exit DEMETRIUS I'll follow thee and make a heaven of hell, To die upon the hand I love so well. Exit