Well, Mike's grandma died Friday night. Went to another wake today. She was over 80 and had been in a nursing home for the past 5 years with Alzheimer's (same thing my grandmother has).
It made me finally go see mine on Sunday. It's been a very long time since I visited her. I felt so bad because she was in terrible shape. All that's left of her life is a hospital bed, a name on the door and a closet full of clothes with her name written in black marker and her room number attached to them. Half of them didn't even look like they were hers. She had no tv. No chair. A small handful of pictures on the wall.
Her hair was gray, flaky and dirty. All of her skin was flaky and her shirt had food all over the front. She had white whiskers coming out of her face and nails with peeling red fingernail polish. I barely recognized her. Her beautiful blue eyes were hidden behind heavy, slitted-looking lids. Gone was the beautiful elegant blonde woman and in her place was this withered, lost, gray-haired woman (and she's only 63).
I heard that her husband has even remarried already (she's been married several times). She could talk to me though. She told me that she remembered me when I asked. She also hugged be back tightly and said "I love you too" when I told her that I loved her. I really did fear that she had whithered away even further than the condition I found her in.
I bought her a small porcelein doll today. Maybe she'll treasure it. Maybe it'll flicker a memory for her from time to time. She used to buy my sister and I these dolls for birthdays and Christmas. We both sold them all when we turned 18. I wish I could go and get them all back. I could have given them to my daughters. I was young and trying to be rid of any reminders of childhood. I try to have no regrets in my life, but that's one that I can't say no to.
I wonder what she thinks when she's able to think.
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