if anyone reading this even cares about my navel...

so mike came over today saying he missed me and had a terrible dream i was w/ someone else...uncanny. he is being abnormal for him...showing emotion, sharing feelings, being regretful, apologizing for keeping me at arms length so many times...what the hell?! he sees me being strong and can't handle it. he's moving away for an unspecified length of time, choosing $$$ over me, what the hell was i supposed to do?! someone tell me please if you have the answers! i'm in love w/ him...damn emotions, i hate them (so i hate hate?)...whatever. i like jeremy, a lot. why? he makes me laugh, listens to my whoas, understands me to a very deep degree, weird stuff. oh and he's funfunfun! so mike. so jeremy. so goes my heart once again.

depressed

i ended things w/ mike today

writing advice from my Angry Poets group

All piffle & twaddle – influence of Bottom Dog man. For real “decadents” read Huysmans & other French authors. Diarrhea of words – stew of classic allusions. Fuck Artemis et alia! Don’t put intellect in your prick! Write honestly even if poorly. Humor is weak – immature. Try drugs and compare two kinds of writing. Try using only Anglo-Saxon words. Throw your dictionary away! Don’t mix realism with poetics! If you can’t make words fuck, don’t masturbate them! When you speak of Cunt put hair on it! Try to forget everything you learned in college. Try talking like an ignoramus – or an Igaroti. Read, for emetic, “Palm Wind Drinkard.” You will learn to write only when you stop trying to write. A line without effort is worth a chapter of push and pull. First ask yourself if you have anything to say. Don’t draw the pen unless you are ready for the kill! If you don’t get rid of the Classics you’ll die of constipation. Never show any one what you’ve written until a year or two later. Use the axe to your 1st draft and not the fine comb. The latter is for lice!!!