GOOD...this homework is stimulating my brain...

So I just started reading about the Vietnam War for my Political Psychology class and this quote from Harry Truman's Secretary of State, Dean Acheson, caught my attention: "The choice becomes one between courses all of which are hard and dangerous. The 'right' one, if there is a right one, is quite apt to be the most immediately difficult one...In these cases the mind tends to remain suspended between alternatives and to seek escape by postponing the issue." Hmmm...so interesting. This also reminded me of my notes for my Political Theology class from Monday. We are studying tragedy at the moment. There's a 19th century thinker named Hegel who sees Greek tragedy as "tragic" because it shows irreconcilable conflict...two great forces at work and both are good. Of course this gets me thinking about my Jeremy/Mike situation. I'm pulled in two directions and so I just sit in the middle...like it's a tug-o-war with a tie so noone goes anywhere! I'm just waiting it out...Mike is leaving for Texas, he wants to fly me out every chance I get to be near him...so he basically wants a long-distancerelationship. Jeremy is HERE and he's WONDERFUL...so much fun, so adorable, makes me feel great...what to do, what to do?

Repost from someone else's blog comment (liked it alot)

Do you really think that "God gave you this life?" In a way, he has, but in the same way that a sculptor "gives" shape to his statue. God created all of us for a purpose, only known by Him, which we all hope to discover one day. So, God didn't "give" you life in the sense that the author intimates above... Your life is merely one of the many means that God has brought together to satisfy an ultimate end that he has pre-planned. So, in conclusion, in order to truly "live" your life, you must live out God's purpose in you. To live your life "your way" would be like the sculptor's statue saying, "I don't like this pose. In fact, I don't like being a statue. I'm going to be a kite." You can see why this is doomed to fail. First of all, what creation has any right to tell its creator that it made it wrong?! If it wasn't for the creator, you'd still be the proverbial uncut stone. Secondly, no matter how hard a statue tries to be a kite, it will never fully become one, and will live out a life of frustration and, ultimately, failure. The reason that Christians get so pissed is becase normally, some activist wacko is somehow (whether directly or indirectly) effecting their life or collective lives, and keeping them from living out their God-mandated purpose. Anyway, I've tried to shed a little light the best I can. However, you will never hope to understand a Christian vantage point without reading the Bible (all of it) first. All I ask is that you don't lump all Christians into one basket based on one bad experience. If you get mugged by a Chinese man, will you consider all Asians crooks? If you get ripped off by a Jew, would you consider all Jews swindlers? I should hope not, since that is blatant stereotyping, as well as racist. So just because some elitist asshole that claims to be a Christian preaches fire and brimstone to you, don't automatically assume the same of me. Live and let live. Only some of us will end up doing it eternally.

Progressive Revelation

I've been on a quest, it seems, for a religion that fits me...I pretty much grew up going to Southern Baptist and Pentecostle churches, was married to a Catholic and engaged to another Catholic and dated two Muslims, one Shi'ite and one Sunni. I've been to the Buddhist temple and talked w/ the monk there and I've been to a mosque while learning about Islam. Not too many months ago, I went to the Bahai Faith Unity Center (on Perkins for anyone local reading this) and learned some about their faith...which, so far, is the one I'm the most astounded by. They believe in the concept of "Progressive Revelation" that all religions at one time or another were what God intended us to follow...here's a quote to explain it better: "There can be no doubt whatever that the peoples of the world, of whatever race or religion, derive their inspiration from one heavenly Source, and are the subjects of one God. The difference between the ordinances under which they abide should be attributed to the varying requirements and exigencies of the age in which they were revealed. All of them...were ordained of God, and are a reflection of His Will and Purpose." --Baha'u'llah

i wanna know...

i wanna know why i can't see what other people see, think what other people think, dream what other people dream. why can't i see me from someone else's eyes? what does it take to penetrate those minds; to dig deep inside? can i expand the walls of my mind? remove the veil from my eyes? how can i get inside?

words on impulse

and she said it then froze. he heard, but nothing touched him. raindrops formed, falling from pregnant eyes. lava errupted and flowed from the heart, bleeding pain, hardening into black stone...

emotions make you cry sometime (H-town)

so mike bought me flowers today...red roses and says he's ready to commit to me and doesn't want to lose me and he's been an idiot. tonight he admitted deep feelings, but says he's not in love...he said the dream and thought of me w/ someone else made him jealous and he didn't understand what was going on with himself. i don't understand exactly either. i know i'm very attached and was well on the road to DE-attaching when this change came on...all i want is to be happy.

if anyone reading this even cares about my navel...

so mike came over today saying he missed me and had a terrible dream i was w/ someone else...uncanny. he is being abnormal for him...showing emotion, sharing feelings, being regretful, apologizing for keeping me at arms length so many times...what the hell?! he sees me being strong and can't handle it. he's moving away for an unspecified length of time, choosing $$$ over me, what the hell was i supposed to do?! someone tell me please if you have the answers! i'm in love w/ him...damn emotions, i hate them (so i hate hate?)...whatever. i like jeremy, a lot. why? he makes me laugh, listens to my whoas, understands me to a very deep degree, weird stuff. oh and he's funfunfun! so mike. so jeremy. so goes my heart once again.

depressed

i ended things w/ mike today

writing advice from my Angry Poets group

All piffle & twaddle – influence of Bottom Dog man. For real “decadents” read Huysmans & other French authors. Diarrhea of words – stew of classic allusions. Fuck Artemis et alia! Don’t put intellect in your prick! Write honestly even if poorly. Humor is weak – immature. Try drugs and compare two kinds of writing. Try using only Anglo-Saxon words. Throw your dictionary away! Don’t mix realism with poetics! If you can’t make words fuck, don’t masturbate them! When you speak of Cunt put hair on it! Try to forget everything you learned in college. Try talking like an ignoramus – or an Igaroti. Read, for emetic, “Palm Wind Drinkard.” You will learn to write only when you stop trying to write. A line without effort is worth a chapter of push and pull. First ask yourself if you have anything to say. Don’t draw the pen unless you are ready for the kill! If you don’t get rid of the Classics you’ll die of constipation. Never show any one what you’ve written until a year or two later. Use the axe to your 1st draft and not the fine comb. The latter is for lice!!!